Celebrating a KEY WORDER

March 02, 2018  •  Leave a Comment

Celebrating a KEY WORDERCelebrating a KEY WORDERShooting almost on a level playing field.

 

I can fully understand why Google and some other major search engines are so reputable and why Organizations and people like me show them respect.

It's precisely because they understand the importance of WORDS in human interaction and social transactions.

This image was captured last Saturday 25th Febuary,2018 during a birthday celebration of the not so young gentleman sitting with part of a group of his family which represents-his daughters,gran,great gran & great great gran children. 

He celebrated his 94th Birthday on 24th ,but for obvious reasons the event took place on Saturday.

I call him UNCLE,never stopped, don't intend to.

I know of friends  when reaching the ripe age of 21/or when beginning their first job they seemed to believe that they are on the same level with their parents so mother, moms,mama or father, pops, or papa go out the window. I never saw the reason to change. A name change had no profound effect I voiced my opinion like a man throughout. No need to call my parents or other senior members by their first names to do that.

This gentleman was my mother's cousin and became mine at my birth. He was the only one in my mother's family that respected and was kind to my father. He offered him a place to stay when he visited Port of Spain and they used to communicate regularly via the post in those times.

My real understanding of my father came from this man with his WORDS and the words of my father through his letters-I sometimes quarrel with him for giving me them after his death. You see, he had the KEY to unlock the misconceptions  that were  LOCKED-IN in two individuals heads. My father went to his death thinking that I hated him and I thought that he hated me because he believed that I was not his child-my maternal grand mother nourished this concept because she did not like the man. What strengthened my idea was the fact that I was not living at his home, but at my grand mother's.

Uncle Allan gave me all the letters that he wrote and I read them all and understood from them how well rounded he was  in his rural life. But one remained with me and for obvious reasons -I was the center of his conversing.This is the statement that POSSIBLY ,WILL REMAIN WITH ME FOREVER:-

I KNOW WHY TREVOR DON'T LIKE ME. IT'S BECAUSE I AM POOR.

You see my father in his golden years was sad because of  his thoughts on his feelings  or assumptions of his eldest son and I am happy in my golden years because of an instrument he made me grow fond of from a child-the camera.

That's why my camera rarely leaves my hand, that's why I have a passion to do what I do in photography .

So photography is really a BITTER/SWEET activity and this BLOG THING IS CATHARSIS(no need for the experts. I am doing  it for myself publicly,not privately(and the tears are here) no need to be in an office, I am relax in front of my KEYBOARD-with letters and words.

KNOWING THAT MY FATHER WENT TO HIS GRAVE THINKING I HATED HIM BECAUSE HE WAS POOR WILL REMAIN AN UNRESOLVED ISSUE- And there might have been an opportunity to correct it.

So,  whenever  I feel happy  about my work, I am sad, again, remembering those words.

I asked why he  delayed showing the  letters . He said he just wanted  to show how good a man my father was. He never realized that that  particular letter would have unearth so much feeling.

This blog has just been altered because of how I do or use this medium.

And my conclusion is that if I did not do this thing impulsively it would not have been done.

But why delete it ,I'll then be considered a hypocrite.

You know sometimes things really happen for a reason and this impulsive shit is really deep shit.

Let me explain.

What I did yesterday was some introspection-what counsellors supposedly facilitate at a price in their offices. We do these things quietly or loudly there because it is considered embarrassing and of course I should be ashamed for doing it, publicly. 

  And all kind of negative WORDS or LABELS more than ever will be attached to me.

I hope you can follow because this is DEEP SHIT-PROFOUND STUFF.  CONVENTIONAL WISDOM say you don't reveal these things publicly, you go to a counsellor or a shrink, hide when you are doing what I did.

 I am suggesting  that the BEST PRACTICES approach is what is causing havoc in many nations-just like what happens, more and more frequently in that great nation-the USA. You go into a school and let  your hidden feelings come out with a gun or guns. The experts call those feelings REPRESSED FEELINGS.

And BABYLON goes to the rescue and then these come out ??????? BUT A LITTLE TOO LATE because that's what they are there for -not to examine what CONVENTIONAL WISDOM is doing to us BUT TO PROP HER/HIM UP. (I used Babylon earlier not to play JAMAICAN. But let you know how I believed the great Bob Marley used the WORD. It,to me, was symbolism;i.e. the group that propped-up CONVENTIONAL WISDOM-keeping him/her safe.)

 You see, It is very easy for EVIL  ,BUT CLEVER MINDS TO  SEE REPRESSED PEOPLE AND USED THEM.

This is not always the case because some people may do these things because of inadequate resolution of their own problems.

Answer me this simple question, if these things are called REPRESSED , how on earth someone on the  outside who has to ask you PERTINENT QUESTIONS  to get at these feelings in your inside. Who he/she is asking? Do they really get the RIGHT or CORRECT ANSWERS TO REALLY ASSIST the person? 

If any expert thinks that his or her practice is so successful and he or she has cured many. I could safely say that these people are not using what they learn in schools.

What I am attempted to show yesterday and I just could not hold it back was the fact that parents have to be very careful of their actions with children.

My ,mother, because she  was the one who orchestrated it, felt she was  killing two birds with one stone. Easing her mother's (my gran ma) loneliness and also easing her financial burden, or easing my father's doubt(by moving me out of his face).

I got that piece of info from her, mind you, nobody else, in one of our  casual conversations(she and all did not understand what was going on in her little baby's mind-his quest for knowing, his terse for answers to understand how his life really was/is) . Parents must always be aware of  how they treat and deal with children.

And I am saying PARENTS , but meaning everyone WHO IS ENTRUSTED WITH THE CARE OF CHILDREN.

TO AVOID THOSE HORRIBLE CRIMINAL ACTIVITIES THOSE BABIES COMMIT BECAUSE OF THE WRONG ANSWERS SUPPLIED TO THEM HOWEVER THEY WERE RECEIVED.

In my youth I was blessed with one of the most beautiful person on this planet. We had a full relationship. She was bright, she was ambitious ,career oriented, but was good a home maker, we never stopped talking while we were awake. Her background like me was in science, but I couldn't understand why/how she was so expressive with the English language.

She made me start reading novels, because that was her answer.

But I began reading only the ones that could help me understand the Caribbean more. So Laming IN THE CASTLE OF MY SKIN was my first and possibly you may understand why.

But I did  something awful to her and possibly any right thinking individual may agree. After a CHRISTMAS DINNER with her family I told her privately that that was the end of our relationship and she would not see me again-surely you would say, that's cold.

What transpired after in my life made me start this  kind of evaluation of myself. And now, I can clearly say this that SOME PEOPLE would never understand  the CONCEPT OF LOVING OR HOW TO LOVE  and this is as a result of the early circumstances that they have experienced.

These PEOPLE could ONLY UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF PASSION.

And please DON'T FOOL YOURSELF BELIEVING THAT BOTH CONCEPTS ARE MUTUALLY INCLUSIVE.

p.s: Just came off the phone with my uncle's wife telling her that her husband made me do the ultimate.

That's something I learnt as an adult- BLAMING.

Perhaps , I picked this up from our GOVERNMENTS.

They do this all the time.  But they all should help us instead , by just  conscientiously & quietly fixing the  wrongs &  getting down to the business that we voted them in for.

Does blaming really help anyone?

Or is it just a diversionary and or  delaying tactic?

Aunty(she was a primary school teacher-so I was talking to someone better because she is also a mother) reminded me of one of the local statements to describe what I did.i.e

You don't air dirty linen in public.

I reminded  her of the fact I don't always  subsribed to all CONVENTIONAL WISDOM dishes out. And  spoke to her  about another statement that we use i.e You make children but you don't make their minds.

 But we always  FORGET THIS INSIGHTFUL FACT THAT THE IMPRESSIONABLE MINDS OF CHILDREN ARE SHAPED  FIRST, BY THE  WORDS  AND ACTIONS/INACTIONS  OF SIGNIFICANT ELDERS.

Parenting is beautiful, it may even be an investment or an ego boost to some. All I am saying it should never be seen as a  loose or glib undertaking.

So now, I cannot correct the wrongs that I meted out to my father or apologize to him and of course I can't blame any of the people who nourished and fostered this  feeling/emotion towards my father and possibly how I view the world.

But I can use my LITTLE VOICE  in this WILDERNESS of jokey but destructive NORMS  to prevent/protect others from getting this way and people from placing them in these mindsets.

My act of  SHARING  this is SELFISH, MIND you BECAUSE IT HELPS EASE MY GRIEF-ONE THAT IS DIFFICULT TO TREAT & RESOLVE. But by doing it possibly I can help someone.

I hope you understand the clarity,yet possibly the contradiction.

That's why I am intrigued by great writers like the great African Chinua  Achebe but because  his writings impressed me more and I read more from him than the Barbadian Kamau Brathwaite , I went away with the belief that CONTRADICTORY OMENS was coined by the African and that made me believe that he was even more excellent because I believe that only people from the Caribbean can truly understand how CONTRADICTORY life truly is.

An expert could not help me get to this point.

This EXPERTISE is in all of US. WE JUST NEED TO EXAMINE OURSELVES & OUR ACTIONS.

THE WORLD IS FULL OF FUN.

BUT IF YOU WISH YOURSELF HAPPINESS.

YOU MUST GET TO THE POINT OF SEEING EVERYTHING SERIOUSLY. THAT'S JUST MY OPINION

 But Conventional Wisdom would not want me to push these ideas because there  is no commercial or money value attach to these.

Please don't request my services in this area, maybe photography.

I'll turned you down, I can't help you.

BUT YOU CAN HELP YOURSELF.

Now let's tie this up completely.

Do you think I am full of hate towards my mother and her family.

My both parents whose families I both traverse offered me the platform to become who I am(for YOU are a sum total of all your experiences). And I know my mother and father were well intentioned in most of what they did for their children.

 Where ever they are.

They may be looking down and smiling proudly of their son's unraveling of his deep seated problem.

From this ,you should  understand the two main Philosophies to which I subscribe-the Reductionist and the Building Block.

And of course my religion-Shinto in perhaps it's purest form or its Caribbean form.

 


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