This image was captured last Saturday 25th Febuary,2018 during a birthday celebration of the not so young gentleman sitting with part of a group of his family which represents-his daughters,gran,great gran & great great gran children.
I know of friends when reaching the ripe age of 21/or when beginning their first job they seemed to believe that they are on the same level with their parents so mother, moms,mama or father, pops, or papa go out the window. I never saw the reason to change. A name change had no profound effect I voiced my opinion like a man throughout. No need to call my parents or other senior members by their first names to do that.
This gentleman was my mother's cousin and became mine at my birth. He was the only one in my mother's family that respected and was kind to my father. He offered him a place to stay when he visited Port of Spain and they used to communicate regularly via the post in those times.
My real understanding of my father came from this man with his WORDS and the words of my father through his letters-I sometimes quarrel with him for giving me them after his death. You see, he had the KEY to unlock the misconceptions that were LOCKED-IN in two individuals heads. My father went to his death thinking that I hated him and I thought that he hated me because he believed that I was not his child-my maternal grand mother nourished this concept because she did not like the man. What strengthened my idea was the fact that I was not living at his home, but at my grand mother's.
Uncle Allan gave me all the letters that he wrote and I read them all and understood from them how well rounded he was in his rural life. But one remained with me and for obvious reasons -I was the center of his conversing.This is the statement that POSSIBLY ,WILL REMAIN WITH ME FOREVER:-
You see my father in his golden years was sad because of his thoughts on his feelings or assumptions of his eldest son and I am happy in my golden years because of an instrument he made me grow fond of from a child-the camera.
So photography is really a BITTER/SWEET activity and this BLOG THING IS CATHARSIS(no need for the experts. I am doing it for myself publicly,not privately(and the tears are here) no need to be in an office, I am relax in front of my KEYBOARD-with letters and words.
What I did yesterday was some introspection-what counsellors supposedly facilitate at a price in their offices. We do these things quietly or loudly there because it is considered embarrassing and of course I should be ashamed for doing it, publicly.
I am suggesting that the BEST PRACTICES approach is what is causing havoc in many nations-just like what happens, more and more frequently in that great nation-the USA. You go into a school and let your hidden feelings come out with a gun or guns. The experts call those feelings REPRESSED FEELINGS.
And BABYLON goes to the rescue and then these come out ??????? BUT A LITTLE TOO LATE because that's what they are there for -not to examine what CONVENTIONAL WISDOM is doing to us BUT TO PROP HER/HIM UP. (I used Babylon earlier not to play JAMAICAN. But let you know how I believed the great Bob Marley used the WORD. It,to me, was symbolism;i.e. the group that propped-up CONVENTIONAL WISDOM-keeping him/her safe.)
Answer me this simple question, if these things are called REPRESSED , how on earth someone on the outside who has to ask you PERTINENT QUESTIONS to get at these feelings in your inside. Who he/she is asking? Do they really get the RIGHT or CORRECT ANSWERS TO REALLY ASSIST the person?
My ,mother, because she was the one who orchestrated it, felt she was killing two birds with one stone. Easing her mother's (my gran ma) loneliness and also easing her financial burden, or easing my father's doubt(by moving me out of his face).
I got that piece of info from her, mind you, nobody else, in one of our casual conversations(she and all did not understand what was going on in her little baby's mind-his quest for knowing, his terse for answers to understand how his life really was/is) . Parents must always be aware of how they treat and deal with children.
In my youth I was blessed with one of the most beautiful person on this planet. We had a full relationship. She was bright, she was ambitious ,career oriented, but was good a home maker, we never stopped talking while we were awake. Her background like me was in science, but I couldn't understand why/how she was so expressive with the English language.
But I did something awful to her and possibly any right thinking individual may agree. After a CHRISTMAS DINNER with her family I told her privately that that was the end of our relationship and she would not see me again-surely you would say, that's cold.
What transpired after in my life made me start this kind of evaluation of myself. And now, I can clearly say this that SOME PEOPLE would never understand the CONCEPT OF LOVING OR HOW TO LOVE and this is as a result of the early circumstances that they have experienced.
So now, I cannot correct the wrongs that I meted out to my father or apologize to him and of course I can't blame any of the people who nourished and fostered this feeling/emotion towards my father and possibly how I view the world.
That's why I am intrigued by great writers like the great African Chinua Achebe but because his writings impressed me more and I read more from him than the Barbadian Kamau Brathwaite , I went away with the belief that CONTRADICTORY OMENS was coined by the African and that made me believe that he was even more excellent because I believe that only people from the Caribbean can truly understand how CONTRADICTORY life truly is.
My both parents whose families I both traverse offered me the platform to become who I am(for YOU are a sum total of all your experiences). And I know my mother and father were well intentioned in most of what they did for their children.